StarClan Academy
by Cookies and Cream Fan
Summary: Think school is boring? Well, this is Squirrelflight's school, StarClan Academy. She is mega- popular. Brambleclaw is mega-rich. Tigerstar owns some oil company. Darkstripe is a butler. Firestar is a teacher. And nothing seems right! Please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

Hi! I'm Squirrelflight, and I go to this school called StarClan Academy. It's okay, we've got a lotta weird teachers though. Anyways, I'm here to tell you what happens in my crazy, wacko school. If you don't like it, then sorry. Tell me that in your reviews.

It's okay if you don't like it. I'm not like the best story-teller in the world (I'm not an elder yet!), so I would appreciate if you tell me what I need to work on. But if you do like it. Can you please tell me? It makes me happy. D

Love,

Squirrelflight


	2. 8th period class

**Streampebble: A lot of people didn't like my introduction, so I changed it. Please review. I want to know if you like or hate this story and why! Thanx!**

I ran to my next class. It was my favorite class. Leopardstar was supposed to teach them about how clan life works, but she never really does. She usually a) flirts with a random tom on her cell phone b) writing a 15 page long letter basically with her ranting about random stuff c) read. Leopardstar is really actually nice, just… obsessed with toms.

So basically, all I do is talk (or flirt, as Leafpool insists) with Brambleclaw or Ashfur, talk with Sorreltail, Leafpool, Mothwing, and Tawnypelt, or study and do homework.

I strolled into the room, confident.

"'Sup, guys?" I'm a diva by the way. As I sat down next to Brambleclaw, I flipped open my hot pink cell and turned it on.

Brambleclaw smiled at me, "Hey! Are you busy after school today?"

I gave him a look, "Depends on what kinda date you want."

Leafpool turned to me, "Dad and Mom are working late today, so our babysitter's Ferncloud. I'll cover for you, sis."

"Thanks, sis, you rock," I was relieved to hear this. Firestar would be grading papers after school, and who knows what her mom was doing as a banker?

"Hey, you covered for me when I went out with Crowfeather," she's got a point there.

Brambleclaw said, "Hey, don't forget me! Are you going or not to the movies with me?"

I smiled, "Sure." Just then, my phone rang. "Excuse me," flipping it open, I said, "Hello?"

It was Ashfur, "Hey, Squirrelflight, what are you doing after school today."

"Stuff, hey, silly, aren't you in Firestar's history class?" Firestar is anti-technology. He doesn't even believe in telephones.

"Yeah, I'm calling from the bathroom," okay, this tom is weird.

"Well, I'm busy. Sorry 'bout that, pal. _Ciao!_" I hung up. Turning to Brambleclaw, I flashed him the dazzling smile that made me the most popular she-cat in StarClan Academy, "Stupid furballs."

Brambleclaw smiled back. He had an adorable smile. We are such a good pair. Sorry, Ashfur. You officially suck!

Sorreltail pranced over, "OMG! Guess who just called me! Brackenfur! He wants to go on a date with me today after school."

Mothwing smiled, "Sweet. Where?"

"I… not sure, get back to me on that," with that, Sorreltail bounced away, going through numbers in her cell phone.

"Why does everybody have a date except me?" Leafpool wailed.

Mothwing gave her a look, "Hello? What about me? And you're a medicine cat!"

Leafpool put on her best how-stupid-can-you-get look, "SO????" Suddenly, her phone rang. "Hello? Oh, hi, Crowfeather, what's up?" I watched my sister as she giggled, talked some more, and hung up.

"What did he want?" Brambleclaw was kinda friends with Crowfeather. He sits with us at lunch.

"Mall, tomorrow, cover for me, sis," Leafpool asked.

"Sure. Now do you feel lonely?" I asked.

"No, but…" my sister hesitated, her amber eyes uncertain. "It feels weird. I'm a medicine cat. I'm not supposed to do this."

"Then don't go," Brambleclaw piped up. I glared at him. Sometimes, toms are so stupid.

"I don't know how to help you, sis. I'm no medicine cat. I won't know. What if you spoke to Cinderpelt? Isn't she your teacher?" I asked.

"Yeah, but… would she understand?" my sister had a point there.

"You could try," I shrugged. "Hey, don't look so down. You'll have fun tomorrow."

Just then, the bell rang, every cat burst out of the room.

I exchanged a smile with Leafpool and Brambleclaw. School's out!


	3. Tigerstar's Crazy Ownage

Chapter 2

Brambleclaw knocked on his front door hesitantly. He wished that he didn't have to live in this mansion instead of the ThunderClan camp. But his mega-rich dad, owner of some fancy oil company, Tigerstar, had a huge argument with the leader of ThunderClan, Firestar. So he moved out. Brambleclaw's a little afraid of what he's gonna do to him when he finds out that he was dating Firestar's daughter.

Darkstripe immediately opened the door. He was Tigerstar's chief butler and his face wore the usual smirk. Today, it somehow seemed to be mocking him. Darkstripe silently, unceremoniously, escorted him to Tigerstar's sitting room, where his father was waiting.

"And where might you have been?" Tigerstar asked after Darkstripe left, his amber eyes burning into Brambleclaw's pelt. He didn't give Brambleclaw time to answer, "Not with that cursed Firestar's pretty little daughter, were you?"

"Her name is _Squirrelflight_," Brambleclaw was struggling to keep calm, but he can't give Hawkfrost, who was lurking nearby, the satisfaction of seeing him mad.

"Whatever just answer the darn question, fool!"

"Yes, I was with her," Brambleclaw's voice was calm.

"You… you…" after a strung of colorful words, Tigerstar managed to say, "You're disinherited!"

"Colorful language, Dad, and I don't mind being disinherited, can I go now?" Brambleclaw said.

That elicited more colorful language, this time in French. At last, Tigerstar shouted, "You're grounded!"

Hawkfrost couldn't resist gloating, "HA!"

"Shut the heck up! You're expelled from school by Dr Bluestar," this provoked Hawkfrost's anger (thanx to My friends ae me-- Rayne)

"Why you…"

"Shut the heck up, you two! I've had a bad day at work and I want some peace and quiet. Go away, Brambleclaw, your ugly face makes me wanna throw up. It's a wonder that _Squirrelflight_ doesn't feel the same way," Tigerstar finally said her name.

"That's because she's used to _Firestar's_ ugly face," Hawkfrost cracked. What idiots.

"Well, Dad? I inherited my ugly face from you," Brambleclaw retorted.

"Shut the heck up, again! I had two mates and you only have one pretty little girlfriend, so HA! OWNAGE!"

"Well, guess what? Goldenflower hates you, and Sash is in the middle of who-knows-where. _I_ actually have a cool girlfriend that is fun, kind, sweet, considerate, mega-popular, thoughtful to others, hot…"

"Dude, you make me sick. That's gross, man," Hawkfrost accused his half-brother.

"Why? Don't you ever feel that way," Brambleclaw asked.

"Me? Oh, well, bro, she-cats are nothing but a nuisance to me. If I need some kind of _girlfriend_, then I'll just tell them that I'm your brother. You already made everything beautifully easy for me, bro," Hawkfrost smirked.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" Tigerstar seemed to be having a seizure. "StarClan, I can't take this no more. Warrior ancestors, take me now!"

Scrooge comes in the door, looking emo, "Tigerstar, sir. Can you give me a high five?" He lifts up a paw, forgetting that he had reinforcements and slices Tigerstar in half.

"What did you do, you…" more colorful language, this time in Jamaican. Tigerstar is trilingual!... and also alive! "OMG! Bluestar is that you?... What I'm dead?... huh?... oh, cool, kay. Nice seeing ya again, homie."

"You're alive?" Hawkfrost seems disappointed. He must've been dreaming about all the inheritance he would've gotten. Ca-ching, Ca-ching!

"Yes, Bluestar said that StarClan wants me to keep working as boss of the Shoot-for-the-Star Oil Company! So shut the fox dung up about inheritance or else you're not getting any, so ha! DOUBLE OWNAGE!"

**Streampebble: sorry for the mini chapter**


	4. 100 minus 20 equals ?

100-20?

Firestar was trying to grade papers, but he couldn't remember for the life of him what 100-20 is. Urgh, it's so infuriating!!!!!!

He popped into Leopardstar's den next door, "Hey Leopardstar. Do me a favor. What is 100-20?"

"Wait," she hissed at him, then meowed into her cell, "Hey, Blackstar, so the movies at 7:30?"

"Leopardstar? Fine, I'll wait."

(30 minutes later)

"Never mind!" Firestar left.

After trying Onestar, who was thoroughly confused by just the question, Firestar skipped Blackstar and went to Raggedstar, who teaches the "Warrior Code."

"Idiot, can't you see that I'm busy?" Raggedstar snarled.

"Fine, be that way," Firestar muttered under his breath as he left.

After he tried all the teachers, (except for Blackstar and Nightstar, the discipline detention supervisor) he went to Bluestar.

"Bluestar, ma'm," Firestar asked.

"Yes, Firestar?" she didn't look up from her HUMONGOUS pile of papers.

"What's 100-20?"

"100-20?" she turned her clear, blue eyes to him. "How dumb are you?" Firestar opened his mouth to argue, but Bluestar swept on, "It's obviously 50!"

**Streampebble: Hi, I know that 100-20 80, okay?**** I'm not stupid here. The story just says that 100-2050! **

"50? So the grade is 50/100? 50?" Firestar asked.

"Duh! Get with the program, dude!"

"Oh, okay, thanks, Bluestar."

"No biggie," she turned back to the papers.

Next Staff Meeting

Firestar stood right up, "100-2050!"

Leopardstar shook her head, "No, 100-20 70!"

Shouts erupted around the room.

"75!"

"60!"

"40!"

"65!"

"70!"

"50!"

"45!"

"SHUT THE CRAP UP!" Bluestar yowled. "It's obviously 50!"

"75!"

"60!"

"40!"

"65!"

"70!"

"50!"

"45!"

**Streampebble: Firestar, what have you done?! Grading papers are harder than you think**** especially if you are a warrior cat!**


	5. Do you like Spottedleaf?

Clan History

The class was just beginning to settle down when Firestar walked in.

"I don't have your test papers yet," he sighed. "But can some cat tell me what 100-20 is?"

There was a lot of whispering. No one could believe that their teacher didn't know what 100-20 is.

"Err, is this a trick question?" Ashfur, a gray tom, asked.

"No," Firestar looked sheepish. "No, it's not a trick question."

"Then, it is 80," Sorreltail told him. Many cats were murmuring in agreement.

"Oh, 80?" all the staff was so wrong.

"Yeah, duh!" Squirrelflight gave him a how-dumb-are-you look.

"Oh, so… well, anyways, today's lesson will be on the death of Spottedleaf," Firestar meowed nervously. He hated this lesson.

Brambleclaw meowed, "May I ask a question?"

"Sure, go ahead, Brambleclaw."

"Do you still like Spottedleaf?" Brambleclaw asked.

Instant silence fell over the room, but the spell was quickly broken by Ashfur, who grunted, "Idiot!"

"Brambleclaw!" Squirrelflight was shocked.

"What? It's an honest question," Brambleclaw defended himself.

"It's too… too personal," Brakenfur meowed.

Rainwhisker took Brambleclaw's side, "Do you, Firestar?"

Whitewing shared his curiosity, "Yeah, do you?"

"As Brakenfur pointed out," Firestar yowled. "This question is too personal!"

"So you do like her," Sootfur meowed impishly.

Sorreltail was on it too, "Don't try to deny anything, Firestar."

"She-cats know all," Leafpool meowed. "She told me."

"WHAT?!" Firestar stared at his daughter.

"I'm a medicine cat," Leafpool reminded him. "I speak with Spottedleaf."

"What did she say?" Firestar asked.

"That's too personal," Leafpool was humoring him. Gosh, she's enjoying this!

"Great StarClan, he's such a hottie!!!" Ashfur mimicked Spottedleaf in a high pitched voice.

"Shut up, fox dung. We don't sound like that," Squirrelflight spat. Firestar was looking very nervous.

"Spottedleaf, I love you!" Sootfur joined in.

Thornclaw thought this was hysterical, "Yo, do that again."

"Sure," Ashfur mimicked Spottedleaf again.

"Oh, Spottedleaf," Sootfur sighed in a dreamy sort of way.

"STOP!!!!" Firestar yowled, but no one listened.

Sorreltail meowed, "Great StarClan, wait 'till Sandstorm hears this one."

"Uh-oh, storm coming!" Brakenfur joked.

Even Squirrelflight was getting on to it, "Mommy is gonna blow Mount St. Helen when she finds out!"

"No, I'm dead!!!!!!!"


	6. LeafXCrow

LeafXCrow!

Leafpool was talking with Crowfeather on the public bus. They had just got back from their date, and the bus was heading for the RiverClan camp.

"So, what happened in Clan History today? We heard Firestar yowling all the way at the other end of the hall," Crowfeather asked.

"Oh," Leafpool stifled a giggle. "Brambleclaw asked Firestar if he still liked Spottedleaf. Here," she meowed, whipping out her cell phone. "I videotaped it on here."

_**Firestar: **__as__ Brakenfur pointed out, this question is too personal!_

_**Sootfur: **__So you do like he__r_

_**Sorreltail**____Don't __try to deny anything, Firestar._

_**Leafpool: **__She-cats know all__. She told me._

_**Firestar: **__WHAT?!_

_**Leafpool: **__I'm a medicine cat,__I speak with Spott__edleaf._

_**Firestar: **__Wh__at did she say?_

_**Leafpool: **__That's too personal_

_**Ashfur: **__Great S__tarClan, he's such a hottie!!!_

_**Squirrelflight: **__Shut up, fox dung. We don't sound like that_

_**Sootfur: **__Spottedleaf, I love you_

_**Thornclaw**____Yo, do that again._

_**Ashfur: **__Sure._

_**Sootfur: **__Oh, Spottedleaf._

_**Firestar: **__STOP!!!!_

_**Sorreltai**__**l:**__ Great StarClan, wait __'till Sandstorm hears this one._

_**Brakenfur: **__Uh-oh, storm coming_

_**Squirrelflight**__ Mommy is gonna blow Mount St. Helen __when she finds out!_

_**Firestar: **__No, I'm dead!!!!!!!_

Crowfeather shook his head, "Brambleclaw, look what you've started."

"It was actually pretty funny," Leafpool meowed.

Crowfeather nodded in agreement, "our class is so boring compared to this. We spend like half the time trying to figure out what Onestar's saying."

"Okay, vlass, zettle zown, pleaz!" Leafpool mimicked Onestar's voice.

"He's hopeless," Crowfeather shook his head.

"But it's hilarious!" Leafpool protested.

"Yeah, but this," Crowfeather placed one claw on Leafpool's cell's screen, "is a riot."

"Yeah, I'll, like, post that on the internet or something."

"Then you guys can blackmail Firestar or something," Crowfeather joked.

"Whatcha mean?"

"Tell him, like… if you don't do this, then we'll show the videotape about Spottedleaf to Sandstorm," Crowfeather meowed.

"Leave that to Ashfur," Leafpool meowed. "He'll think of something like that, I'm sure."

"Totally," Crowfeather agreed.

"Hey, Crowy?" Leafpool said using the nickname she gave him a long time ago. "Do you know Nightcloud?"

"Nightcloud?" Crowfeather echoed nervously.

"Yeah, do you?" Leafpool repeated.

"Of course I do, why?"

"Because she told me that you and she are going out," she turned her beautiful amber eyes to him. "Is it true?"

"No, it's not. Nightcloud is my friend, but… I don't love her the way I love you, Leafpool," Crowfeather told her the truth.

Leafpool believed him, "I'm glad. Oh! Here's my stop. Bye, Crowy!"

"Bye, Leafpool. See ya tomorrow!"

"Tomorrow," she meowed as she got off.


End file.
